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| mother!, Split, If You Saw His Heart, Suburbicon, Despicable Me 3 and Infinity Baby are some of 2017's worst |
Thank goodness 2017 is nearly
over.
It’s ending up a fairly good year for movies,
but once again there were so many bad ones that weren’t even worth writing
about. Boring remakes, stupid sequels, and pointless reboots. Even a lot of the
indie stuff wasn’t as good as it usually is and a fair bit of sub-par stuff was
pushed quite aggressively for reasons that I
honestly can’t still understand. When there are far too many movies being
released nowadays, why invest in a lame horse?
I’ll admit, though, that I still haven’t seen The Snowman, so this list really can’t be considered complete without the addition of Detective Harry Hole. But, when it comes to all the duds of 2017 to avoid in the Netflix queue, I gave you all the clues.
The worst films of 2017:
10. Rebel in the Rye
I’m so sad this by-the-numbers
Holden Caulfield biopic is the last Kevin Spacey movie I’ll ever see.
This film is exactly the reason
why Netflix movies shouldn’t be allowed at Cannes.
As the French say, “Boooooooooooooooooooooo!”
8. Alien Covenant/Life
These two movies are exactly the
same and I can never remember which one is which, but they were equally
terrible so I’ll just put them both here.
7. Suburbicon
George Clooney misfires
spectacularly while directing this script the Coen Brothers wrote back in the
1980s. By comparison, it’s the best example of the Coen Brothers’ greatness as
directors since No Country for Old Men.
Bor-ing!
5. Split
It’s true. James McAvoy deserves
awards consideration for playing multiple characters in this politically
incorrect personality disorder flick: give him the Razzie!
Does the success of the Despicable Me franchise mean that
parents love or hate their children?
Gael García Bernal stumbles through this fever dream of arthouse pulp fiction. Worse direction than Suburbicon! (Put that pull quote on the poster!)
This insufferably smug and
self-serious cheapo indie is yet another example for why I’m leery of covering micro-budget
comedy. Literally the first thought I had after watching this movie was, “Why
am I still doing this shit?”
And the worst film of 2017 is...
1. mother!
It’s funny to call mother! the worst film of 2017 since
there’s actually a lot that I like about this stupid film. Michelle Pfeiffer is
outstanding and mother! has a really
nifty sound design. Okay, two things I like about the film. But mother! is one of those movies that I
hate the more I discuss it. This misogynistic, hateful, violent, infuriating,
and self-indulgent artless mess of a horror flick from Darren Aronofsky, whose Black Swan was this blog’s #1 film of 2010, takes itself far too seriously with the Allegory! and the Biblical stuff!
and the God character! There’s also a popular reading of the film as an
environmental parable with Jennifer Lawrence as Mother Earth, who gets abused,
violated, disrespected, desecrated and all that by a bunch of hedonistic humans
and a self-absorbed creator who wants nothing but adulation for making people
in his own image. mother!, however, is mostly just a lot of build-up for
nothing.
And don't even get me started with that m!
Dishonourable mentions: Snore
for the Planet of the Apes, Bad Moms
Christmas, Annabelle: Creation,
Pecking Order
Up next: The best Canadian films of the year!
Up next: The best Canadian films of the year!
